"hairapists", the unspoken role we take on

It's possible to untangle the emotional weight

It came out of her mouth before I knew it was coming. Usually when someone tells me something heavy, I can feel it coming. This one hit me like a flame thrower, and I felt like I had to duck to miss the blast. She said it so quietly, almost a whisper, that I had to ask her to repeat it. When she confirmed what I thought she’d said, I was in shock. I was so taken aback I didn’t even know how to respond.

The thing about being a hairstylist is that no one trains you for this moment. A therapist gets trained not only in how to hold a client’s trauma, but they also know something could come up at any time. We don’t get that training. We get training in how to do great hair, but nothing in this arena.

I have a friend, Roxie Jane Hunt, who has a rule that her clients must ask permission before telling her something heavy or traumatic. I’ve been thinking about bringing this into my own business ever since that jarring moment behind the chair.

That would mean a client would need enough self awareness to recognize they’re about to share something heavy. But that’s exactly what makes the question so powerful. “Can I share something heavy with you?” It gives us a beat to prepare our nervous systems, and a chance to check in with ourselves: do I have the capacity for this right now? It gives us choice. It stops our chairs from becoming a place where people just trauma dump, and it reminds our clients this is a two way relationship, not a dumping ground.

I won’t share the specifics of what she told me, it would need too many trigger warnings. But I’ve thought about it since, and I know that if I’d lived through something similar, I wouldn’t have been okay in that moment.

Here’s the good part. I handled it differently than I would have a few years ago, and that’s where the work shows up. I was able to go home and not take it home. To listen without absorbing. To actually release it, because it was never my trauma to carry. As an empath, like so many of us hairstylists are, I hear a story like hers and I immediately put myself in her shoes, almost feeling it for her. And then I carry it like I was there too.

The work I’ve done over the years is learning that her horrible situation, while I can feel for her in the moment, isn’t mine to feel. Not mine at all.

A lot is asked of us as “hairapists.” But as an extreme empath myself, I want to show you it’s possible to untangle yourself from the emotional weight that comes with working behind the chair.

So if you’re a client reading this, consider asking permission before you share something heavy in the chair next time.

And if you’re a beauty professional, remember this: you don’t have to carry what your clients hand you. You can hold space for someone without taking their story home with you.