When the toll of being an untrained therapist becomes too much.
From a formerly burnt out hairstylist.
A client once shared that she was worried about her son. She said he seemed to be in a depressive state. As she spoke she started to cry and she went on to say that her husband had also struggled with depression — and had attempted to take his own life a few years earlier.
All the while, I’m foiling her hair. We still have over an hour and a half left in the appointment. The heaviness of this conversation — of being trusted with something so raw — is hard to put into words.
Being a pseudo therapist while doing someone’s hair is one of the most emotionally taxing aspects of this career.
We show up to create beauty on the outside, while often carrying the weight of what’s being shared on the inside.
Not only was I unsure of what to say in that moment, but it also became one of the most pivotal moments for me. Over 20 years behind the chair, I had taken on countless stories, each one leaving an imprint. But this one — this one felt like something I couldn’t help with or carry. And in that instant, I realized that none of my clients’ stories were mine to carry. I knew something had to change. If it didn’t, burnout was inevitable.
When we aren’t trained, it’s easy to absorb the weight of everything our clients share.
As hairstylists, many of us are empathetic, creative, and often people-pleasers. We want to make everyone feel seen and happy, so we naturally slip into the role of fixer, problem-solver — or therapist — without even realizing it. But over time, that constant giving without replenishing ourselves can leave us drained, empty, and overwhelmed. While we love being there for our clients, we don’t have the training or tools to carry the emotional load that comes our way.
We’re taught in school and through further education how to cut, color, balayage, razor, and foil — but our mental health is never part of the curriculum.
I’ve been hit on by clients, made to feel less-than (anyone in the service industry may relate to this), been a dumping ground for people’s issues, and had clients complain that I’m not available 24/7 to them — all while making people look good, and all while standing on my feet.
I’ve experienced several stages of burnout in my 24-year career, but this specific event, made me realize that I couldn’t continue doing what I love without making some necessary changes — changes that would protect my well-being and help me show up in a healthier way.
I had to step away from the industry for a while, and during that time, I realized how much I missed doing what I love — creating art on people’s heads, not just beautifying, but truly empowering them. We all know how a good haircut can make us feel: strong, embodied, and powerful. As Coco Chanel once said, “A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.”
We sit with our clients through job loss, cancer diagnoses, divorce, the loss of loved ones, and hearing about their crazy mother-in-law. Don’t get me wrong, there’s positivity too, but somehow, it’s the heavy moments that linger with us, sitting heavy on our hearts long after clients have left our chair.
At my lowest point of burnout, I found my way into in a therapist’s office. When she said, “It sounds like you have unmet needs. What are your needs?” I honestly sat back, stunned, and thought to myself, Do I even have needs? Not only had I been giving from an empty cup, but I realized I didn’t even know I had a cup to fill.
I had been giving and giving so much I was completely depleted. When we give so much of ourselves to other people, constantly trying to meet the needs of others, we lose sight of ourselves. And that is certainly what happened to me.
Looking back, that moment in the therapist’s office was the beginning of a beautiful journey. I am reluctant to say “healing journey” because it doesn’t really hold the weight that this journey has had. But a journey non the less. I began to unlearn what wasn’t serving me and started building a healthier way forward. Setting boundaries, knowing my limits, having awareness, and fulfilling my needs. And once I learned myself how to be more balanced, I knew I wanted to share what I had learned with my fellow hairstylists — because I truly believe what we do is magical, and I believe that we need support for our mental health to continue this magic.
We need support, tools, and a reminder that we have cups to fill, too.
That’s why I created The Balanced Hairstylist — to give us the tools, the language, and the support we were never taught, so we can keep doing the work we love without losing ourselves in the process.
We weren’t trained to hold all that falls on our plate — but we can learn how to cope with it. We can set boundaries, protect our energy, and reconnect with our joy.
So join me here, a safe place and community for hairstylists and beauty professionals.
